Move over Scott Brown; John McCain is the new “it” boy of the Senate Republican Caucus.
In a packed Senate hearing room yesterday, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mike Mullen and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, the nation’s top two military officials, called for the repeal of the 16-year old “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy banning openly gay men and women from serving in the military. And senior citizen chic Senator McCain (R-AZ) gave the entire room, and the entire television audience, a full on chubby with his impassioned defense of discrimination.
The A-mazing Arizona Senator sent onlookers into states of quiet panic, so taken with both his sartorial grace and effortless charm.
“I saw him in a whole new light today,” said Gay rights activist Joseph George. “And that light was refracted back into my desirous eyes by his to-die-for pure as the white driven snow complexion. He certainly raised my Arizona.”
The Senator, who in the past had said both that he preferred the uneasy compromise to be repealed, and that he would defer to top military brass on the matter, stalked the room and questioned witnesses with a fire in his belly that instantly aroused any and all onlookers with even half a hint of yearning in their loins.
Knowingly employing the slight hunch that years of fabulous hath wrought, McCain was emphatic in his speech, catching the wandering eye of both sides of the issue. In a sharp blue suit that blanketed his 72-year old figure like a sex poncho teasing the shapely rock of desire within, the failed 2008 Presidential candidate’s lips emitted pure steam as he described the military’s “forced intimacy with little or no privacy,” a condition every onlooker instantly fantasized about sharing with McCain.
His customary red tie resting titillatingly along the soft creases of his love-worn bosom, the Arizona Senator turned the heat on Secretary Gates’ advocacy for the repeal, bringing a bit of glam to his furious reaction to his fellow Republican’s assertion that it was in the military’s best interest to end its policy of shaming and discriminating against those who wish to bravely serve their country.
“Again you are embarking on saying it’s not whether the military prepares to make the change but how we best prepare for it, without ever hearing from members of Congress,” McCain told the Secretary through pursed, kissable lips. He then indicated his gratefulness that, “we still have a Congress of the United States that would have to pass a law to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, despite your efforts to repeal it, in many respects, by fiat,” a flip flop matched in size only by the level of pure desire it created in the hysterical masses.
