February 4, 2010
Scott Brown Electrifies Teen Senate Fan Club!

It started with a whisper, a faint “there he is,” traveling like a hormonal game of telephone through a crowd still half asleep in the pink sleeping bags that lined the lawn.

As the truck came into focus, the murmur grew into a hum, a buzz, and then, when the Massachusetts license plates came into full focus and the lead girl, ignoring frost bite from six days of waiting, called out, a high pitched sonic boom that rocked the Capitol Hill lawn.

Scott Brown was taking office.

In what onlookers called the biggest Congressional hysteria scene since Dennis Hastert first took office, Capitol Police could do little to stem the wave after wave of screaming girls that rushed the truck that Brown rode to electoral victory and teen idol fame.

“It was a mob scene,” said one GOP aide, clutching the autographed head shot of the new Senator that he had procured for his daughter.

Brown, dashing in a blue suit and wearing his signature purity ring that signifies his independence from partisan politics and party agenda, came out of the truck to deafening roars that reportedly awoke West Virginia senator Robert Byrd from the first of his two daily naps. With an effortless charm and grace that recalled a young Adlai Stevenson, Brown handled the throng with smiles and aplomb.

“Oh my God, you’re so hot!” called out one frantic girl beside another holding a sign that read, “SiT iN My PeoPLe’S SeaT!” Just beyond, there stood a life size cutout of the Senator’s 1980’s Cosmopolitan Magazine nude centerfold, with a number of teens taking turns kissing and photographing themselves with it.

After posing for nearly 1300 photos and signing double that amount in head shots, the ruggedly good looking Republican newcomer was goaded into reciting an excerpt from his special election victory speech. The performance was quickly halted, though, with the deafening roar of the elated crowd drowning out the sound of the newly elected Senator’s pledge to deny them health care.

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