Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, a noted fiscal conservative and sometimes budget hawk, announced on Tuesday that he was placing a hold on his son Ronald’s lunch money until the fifth grader addressed what his father termed “an egregious child rearing deficit.”
“We have spent and spent on this child, wildly and irresponsibly, and can afford to do so no longer,” Coburn said. The Oklahoma Republican went on to cite numerous child rearing expenses that he deemed, “superfluous and out of line with our priorities.”
“From diapers to baby food, to pre-school registration to science fair materials, this out of whack spending needs to stop,” Coburn said in a speech on his Georgetown lawn. “Comb through the budget, you’ll be outraged by this use of dollars. Did you know we buy this boy a new pair of underwear every year — every year?!”
To stem the “profligate” spending, Coburn placed the hold on lunch money, its removal conditioned on the 9-year old’s proposal to balance his budget. And the Senator offered a number of suggestions for doing so.
“I found out that we bought him a box of crayons for Christmas three years ago, and now he puts in a request for new pencils. And I say to myself, what can’t he do with crayons that he needs some pencils so much?”
In a response statement, filed from his broom closet bedroom, Ronald answered: “math,” he said, “and social studies.”
Coburn’s proposed axe didn’t end there, as he suggested that if his son was truly serious about wanting to eat lunch, he could perhaps put for sale on craigslist his soccer ball, or his other pair of sneakers.
“During these times, we all have to tighten our belt,” Coburn said. “Only Ronald may have to do so literally, although I’m not sure how much slack that hemp waist rope I gave him when he was six years old has left.”
In the face of difficult cuts, Ronald does have a fallback plan.
“They have this great program that helps kids pay for lunch at school when they can’t afford to do so on their own,” the besieged 9-year old told reporters. “So I’ll probably just do that.”
(view comments)
-
stefan-beck liked this
-
reallyseriousnews posted this
